GOD'S LITTLE SUITCASE by Dennis Doph

Touchdown Jesus. 30

God sat down at brunch today and confided to me, "Pal,
I wasn't responsible for those damn red bees along the Gowanus Canal
To further explore "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" requires the greatest tact
I daren't watch as Putin and Medvedev deploy their balancing act
Got Hillary to South Korea; contrived to make her look stern
And I didn't make those unsecured bond markets crash and burn
Nancy Reagan finessed blowjobs; and for all those fucks that cluster
I never got near those bastards who employ the Filibuster
Would never descend to Twitter and to Tweet would cause me shame
And the dirty feet who Twitter and Tweet do not glorify my name
When Alec Baldwin Skyped to Steve Martin I didn't provide the bone
And the raging boors on congressional floors require a more cultured tone
As we watch how Bachmann swings her things I could think of something grander
And I wasn't in back of the bare behind of those homophobes in Uganda
My hand just tenses when I go to the parenthes
(since my finger refuses to shift)
And you ask if God can carry a suitcase that's too heavy for him to lift!*

*thanks to Chris Hayes of the Nation and MSNBC for this convenient catchphrase