THANKS FOR GIVING by Dennis Doph

because why? 42

On the day of Thanksgiving Two Thousand Nine
Feelin' like the Turkey that Time Forgot
What's in the V of my pants is feelin' fine
But my punkin' head is worryin' with a dreadful thought
If what Adam Lambert did to his bud was so shocking
Then why is conservative America rocking
Well, this fucking crock had better stop crocking
Because this Turk with a Cock is still top-cocking
So help me keep on living
and thanks for giving!

Feelin' a powerful resolution in my breedin' bones
My Gonads are pointin' to a bevy of males
Took a country-Western theme from Norah Jones
and all the testosterone that theme entails
So Old Joe Lieberman can just be debunked
Thanksgiving cooking sherry has me a little bit drunked
And my fucking spunky spirit just can't be de-spunked
My past? I can't go on re-living it
So thanks, pal! Thanks for giving it

As I reel down the main drag of Santa Barb'
Feel my insides reelin' from this Turkey stuffing
Blue Balls draggin' from each additional carb
But these Gentlemen better not think I'm bluffing
I may have devoured the Fatted Calf
And been staggering about with a crooked staff
But I can damn well pump to nine and a half
Misbehaving? I'll show you how to misbehave it
And you'll be god-damn glad you gave it

So fucking tired of this conservative state
Of this conservative country in which we're mired
Even the gay boys have come to be so fucking straight
And the straight boys? Well, I'm just so fucking tired
of Reality TV and American Idol
This just goes to show that all of our pride'll
Go before the fall and December Bride'll
Reign on the Nickelodeon Channel
So stretch the crotch in your pajama flannel
And be the Point Man on this panel
Unzip your zipper
to show your pip
is among the living
And thanks, boy! Thanks for giving!