THIS IS HOW IT GOES by Dennis Doph

because why? 49

As a dewy youth I showered with my Uncle Al
He was every young boy's avatar and pal
Beefy hairy-chested Chief of the Police
Always careful of a young boy's pubic fleece
When, as he expected, some youth's hard cock would stand
At strict attention when Big Al came to hand.

Then Al would invite me into his mid-afternoon shower
Lavishing attention on me by the hour
Even though of body hair I then had not a trace
Not the slightest suggestion of a beard upon my boyish face
But, in forbidden regions below the line of belt
An enormous mound of manflesh extruded from my pelt
And, before the suds subsided, and my load was fit to burst
Al would kneel upon the shower floor to quench his manly thirst

This is how it goes, then, I murmured to myself
Myself murmured back, "Don't keep it on the shelf,
'Cause if you don't offer it up to every steamin' stud,
Your bourgeoning sexlife will soon be nipped in the bud!"

So, I proceeded, in a manner meant to shock,
And I let my hungry Uncle go down upon my cock.
In my Twenties as I purveyed the Hollywooden land,
More pressing matters came to my attention -- and to hand.
Even though cocksucking skills were mine -- my own smart touch of class,
I became much more aroused by the sight of a man's tight ass
As I caromed around town, known as King of the Casting Couch,
Casting directors all knew about my Treasure -- as they murmured, "Ouch!
Could this boy fit in (damn tight) the latest Brando flick,
Pushing around the studio such a big fat piece of dick?"

That was how it went, then. As I proceeded from set to set
I discovered how many backsides I could make deep and wet
Went from Brando to Sinatra the old fucking Invincible
Discovered British loved buttfucking -- as their special principle.
Learned the thrill of parting and spearing those downy British cheeks
How I could ride Hard Hog on those Brits for weeks and weeks.

Took my "Act" to New York as my Thirties came nigh on,
Learning to view Manhattan Melodrama from dusk to pulsating dawn,
In cabaret Off-Off Broadway I learned how to shake my booty,
Causing heart palpitations in every Off-Off Broadway cutie,
Bleaching out my red hair to its very Kraut-like roots,
Swinging my lovely pink mushroom-headed dick out beyond the Foots
Became the new sensation of the swollen-penised New York Nation
As I transcended social barriers far above my station.

But then in journeys through the corridors of the IRT and BMT
Subway johns taught me sensations I might never have hoped to see
Became frantic as I watched Italian Poppas put their manners into place
Taking soft sweet Puerto Rican butts upon their collective face.
So I proceeded to extol my newest sexual whim
Adding to my verbal treasury a new intransitive verb: TO RIM.

So in my transition from one subway to another
Left the imprint of my face on each downy butted brother
Preparing them for the onslaught of my penis (still quite young)
Broaching their anal treasure with my hard and searching tongue
Many's the young Mick who succumbed to my attack
Opening up his backside -- offering me his crack.

In this insane pursuit of sex I morphed into my Forties
Learning how to blast the boys out of their shoes and their jock shorties
The King of the New York Gods gave my act another Twist
Teaching me how to substitute penis action to my fist.
And OHHHHHHHH the days and OHHHHHHHHHH the nights
--as I walked on the Wild Side of the spectrum
And felt my bony elbow graze against each new prolapsed rectum.

Is THIS how it goes? I wondered, feeling my clenched fist
take its transverse turn,
Feeling each buttocks tremble as I caused its interior to burn,
Pulling balls backward into my mouth to agitate their owner,
Pulling even further back the swollen cock which had become
a maxi-boner,
Later, rinsing off my forearm with Lava and with Duz,
Cautioned myself that I had triumphed -- and That was all it Was.

As my arc took me back to Los Angeles I became beefy as my Unc,
Sported a sea of bushy red hair upon my trunk,
Practiced my hard-earned tics and tricks upon bevies of men,
to please,
Blowing and fucking and rimming and fisting were the core
of my expertise.
As my appetites went from sweet to hot and then to rough,
Went from One on One to Two on One, and Three, and finally
Four was not enough.
Multiples became my game, and the game went from bounce
to BOINK,
Realized my actions could be encapsulated by one keyword:
"OINK!"

So I cruise and bruise and schmooze for just another little while,
Pushing my fame from one to yet another hot Pig Pile,
Smiling sweetly, trying not to lose my wind, keep my tennies
above the ruts,
Trying not to abuse my sensibilities -- and my semen-saturated guts.
While I've always been renowned for being a Top for Tops,
I've taken more than one (or one hundred) cunning sex extensions
in my chops.
So I continue to extend and spend my hoary sexual chores,
Asking nicely, smiling sweetly, hoping the next Blow or Fuck
or Rim or Fist is yours.