IN USHUAIA by Dennis Doph

touchdown jesus. 18

In Ushuaia capitol of Tierra del Fuego
Nuns wear padded Akomaks instead of wimple
Even if you're Mick, Spic, Kraut or Dago
Everything in Ushuaia is very simple.

Everyone speaks in hushed midwhispers
Like some non-smoker who's been caught smoking
And all the Brothers whisper to their Sisters
in less than dulcet tones. And -- shit! You're joking!

Joking about such a simple form of conversation
But not as simple as the Tweakspeak of us Yanks;
For all across this Twitter-besotted nation
A well turned phrase is simply answered: tks.

If I encounter some well set-up stud or other
Who opts to respond to me in such bland brass
I tend to think they're much too blah to bother
And then respond in kind, with, simply, PASS.

I realize that Newspeak is so fleeting
Verbal dancing is too tiresome for their feet
And any kind of polysyllabic meeting
Is bound to be called dangerous -- or indiscreet.

So I treasure my less verbally challenged cousins
Whether they be same-sex or distaff
And blow off Tweakspeak studlings by the dozens
Who cannot form a well honed paragraph.

I enjoin these folks to live in Ushuaia
Where life is so truncated and so simple;
Where tks can be their bidder and pls their buyer
And a pitch for feverish concourse is just this dimple:

-)