RUBBER DUCK by Dennis Doph

http://wagenblatz@aol.com

out there . 17

I sailed the High Seas in the sloop Film Noir
with Hedy Lamarr at my side
This Slovakian wench spoke nothing but French
with George Sanders as our trusty guide
We crested the waves of Insupportable Doubt
and our dangers you might have guessed
With my manly physique embellished by the beak
of a rubber duck on my chest.

Faith Domergue had me pressed from stress to stress
taking me Where Danger Lives
Maureen O'Hara made me a Secret Sharer
and taught me to throw poinards and shivs
Then Fairbanks Junior made me even loonier
while conspicuously much better dressed
But I didn't give a fuck with that rubber duck
quacking away on my chest.

Gloria Grahame gave me a rubdown
as we sailed toward Old Macao
And the lift of my sword as Jane Russell came on board
threatened to sink that scow
Miss Gloria did me from stem to stern
and Miss Russell did all the rest
Then I watched both of them frown as Jerome Cowan
did that rubber duck on my chest.

Thrills were never more so than Paul Henried's torso
with its burden of thick blond fur
And that Westphalian child (backed up by Cornel Wilde)
faced me off between Her and Her
Then John Carradine joined this juicy group
and my chances got less than slim
When Carradine and the girls put me through a few whirls
and faced me off between Him and Him.

Things got pretty dicey
as we breasted the Malacca Straits
And we felt kind of punk when we saw Barbara Stanwyck's junk
threatening all of our fates
But my brave Rubber Duck's heart went, thump, thump, thump
as we sailed into the dawn in the West
For all Stanwyck's ex-cons were brave Amazons
with rubber ducks on their chest!