PICK THE CORN by Dennis Doph

touchdown jesus. 19

Out in front of Lincoln's Monument Glenn Beck insinuated
The entire field of Liberalism is terminally dated
And he then progressed to sit on that ripe old piece of squash
The same bugger-squash he sat on back in buggery Burlington Wash.

Then he brought on Sarah Palin who became quite loud and shrill
Till she had solons in stitches on both sides of the Hill
She trumpeted Our America with a manner brusque and blunt
But we can't tell if she's talkin' with her mouth or with her cunt

Oh! They won't stop pickin' corn out of our poop
Sarah's lockin' and realoadin' that tired old Wasilla pistol
Though her snatch has been downsized She claimes Bristol's devirginized
Which is fine for her but not so fine for Bristol.

Here's the waters of the Indus flooding Pakistani plains
Twenty million Ragheads cryin' out for grain
And we all keep on discounting how it pours each time it rains
But us Real Amurricans just can't feel the pain

No. We're more interested in Lindsay Lohan getting out of stir
And which Blagojevich is due to make the slammer
And how much more Miss Hillary can make of all of HER
and which President is bound to take the hammer!

These old hens keep nosin' pieces out of our feces
Sharron Angle has developed a Nevadan taste for poop
The undigested pieces that they're nosin' sure ain't Reese's
...and don't underestimate how low Shallow Sharron's sure to stoop!

Conoco has now devised a drill six miles beneath the waves
Those oil-bedizened, non-taxpaying, Senate-strokin' sluts
All our Presidents have seen to it that we're eternal slaves
While BP builds reefs -- and reams us all exquisitely up our butts.

A chunk of Greenland big as Delaware just fell into the drink
It sinks beneath the waves to Al Gore's eternal scorn
The EBay bitch Meg Whitman wants to paint us all Punk Pink
As she reams our willing backsides for another grain of corn.

Yeah, I've pooped my last full poop on this California Coast
As the Solons scoop and scramble to ingest my sorry leavings
Mighty Meg is seeing to it that Jerry Brown is Toast
Am I draggin'? No. I'm gaggin'. and this poem is my heavings

Border police have come onboard amtrak outside of Buffalo
Lookin' for shady darkskinned types who might have swum the Lake
In the Arizona Desert John McCain flops to and fro
Rakin' up that Mexi-poop with his trusty Beerqueen rake.

McCain used to be a hero to all us Willing Troops
Now he kneels to the Teapartiers each time one of 'em poops
There ain't no jelly on his belly as he grovels his last grovel
And he uses his Naval Academy mouth as a handy Poop Scoop shovel.

No! McCain picks up all that corn out of their poop
And Rand Paul picks up his leavings with his eager tractor mouth
As I said, there is no depth to which they will not stoop
As Virginia's lieutenant gov. sells us even further South

Oh! Miss Prissy,
Spare us the Hissy!