BABY WANTS TO KILL by Dennis Doph

touchdown jesus. 35

Jared Loughner rose dyspeptic on the morning of January 8
In the mirror Jared didn't look so great
His breath smelled less than antiseptic
Jared checked out his trusty Glock, resting next to his trundle bed
In a house where superstition bred
While his teachers went right into shock
Baby Jared never searched for sperm to spill
Baby was a liberal hater. Baby was a Glock-masturbator
On the morning of January 8 when nothing was going really great
Baby wants to kill.

Jared went out to the Safeway at Ida Street
In the rolling meadows of Tucson Jared was not bulked or stiff with brawn
Jared, with his Glock, was quite complete
Gabby Giffords, Democratic Rep, he knew would be there
That lady who'd married one of those astronaut Kelly twins
Gabby would be punished for her Liberal sins
So: when Gabby arrived, with the Judge and her staff
Baby knew he couldn't stand the gaff.
Baby thought he would just throw a little scare

So he whipped out his Glock and sprayed the lot at Ida
First he drilled the Judge then he drilled a child beside a
Whole class of Social Studies kiddies studying democracy
Democracy in Action was a study of which he
Was (courtesy of the NRA) particularly astute
The NRA teaches you: what you hate, you shoot.

So does Sarah Palin and Jan Brewer when she isn't dissing
Immigrants and ne'er-do-wells who might shortly be missing
Their lungs, their livers, and probably their hearts
Jan Brewer isn't one of those hug-a-tree Liberal tarts
Jan Brewer is a STRONG WOMAN out of the Teaparty mold
As a STRONG WOMAN she knows her mission is to scold
Anyone who might digress from Conservatism in Arizona
(perhaps) even a boy who mistakes his Glock for a boner

So Jared shot. And he shot. And he shot. And he shot.
The Judge fell dead and kiddies in the class were sprayin' snot
Gabby Giffords fell dismayed with her dead assistant by her side
as Gabby Giffords fell she wasn't feelin' any pain
Jared Loughner had drilled her right through her nasty Liberal brain

Now
The chips are down, my Hearties. More blood will surely spill
We live in a nation unnatural and haunted
Our world is full of crazies who want just what Baby wanted
When Baby decided what he wanted was to kill.