PRECIOUS THINGS I LOVE by Dennis Doph

beyond beyond . 59

I love to enter a dance floor in a tuxedo
and wind up losing my fanciest pants
Love to start dancing with a beautiful woman
then commence groping the backside of a nance
Love to think of all the nasty things I know
and put them all in this one little space
Love to hit the sack with four strong men
and have them all (sequentially) sit on my face
Love to rub my face with the white of an egg
though nowadays the effort is mostly in vain
Love to get into a very conservative crowd
then say disgusting things about John McCain
You may never have heard a more encouraging word
when I'm comforting a new widow who's all bereft
Then I struggle into a pair of loose silk pants
and let Junior do His pendulum from right to left
Love to get between a pair of high keyed gals
so I can enjoy the excitement between Her and Her
Love to shag a really hairy old fella
so I can lose my knuckles in his grizzly fur
Love to have adventure after dangerous adventure
because my alter ego dotes on diversity
Love just about anything by Woody Allen
because I enjoy his eternal perversity
Love to share a bong with a company of stone freaks
love to watch 'em get higher and higher
The only thing I loved about Tropic Thunder
is when Downey got down on Tobey McGuire
Love to play with a fresh split of champagne
and cover all my putative lovers with its fizz
Love to fib about my Oh so elusive age
and make you wonder just how old the fucker really is
Showed up at Ronald Reagan's funeral in Simi Valley
just to make sure the old fool was dead
And of all the Precious Things I really love
I really love balling a man's brains out through the top of his head
Because I'm such a good guy Such a nice guy
the last image I'll leave you with before I retire
Is that I love to share these Precious Things I adore
And .... Oh! Have I told you? I may be a great lover
but I'm an even better liar