WE GO WAY UP by Dennis Doph

beyond beyond . 69

In the days when Ottoman Pashas
were holding back the Rus
There was a man named Bajazet
who would not get off the bus
And of all the Rough Trade in Istanbul
no one was more mano a mano
Than Bajazet's main opponent
a dude named Tamerlano
When they finally clashed on the blood soaked straits
between Old Asia and New Europe
Bajazet got caught in his traces
dangled from Tamerlane's bloody stirrup
While Bajazet was croaking
full of misery and pain
Tamerlane sneered with a frown,
Man, you've been way down and you won't go up again

So we go way up and we go way down
and the way to exact this Stingo
Is that in our time these dudes in their prime
are played by Dave Daniels and Placido Domingo!
So to be a big boss rooster
you also have to play the henner
Or, at the very least, be a versatile beast
or a full scale dramatic tenor.

Teddy Roosevelt was a sissy of the most dissatisfied kind
He got pissed off by Cousin Franklin a loaded spring
about to unwind
Teddy worked out with freeweights Pumped up his chest
real big
Ran around with all the gun buffs But he was still
one ugly pig
Despite the fact he was tough and rough
and marginally ungainly
He got elected Vice President
under skinny old William McKinley
When the assassin came and popped the Prez
Teddy was riding high on the hog
And Franklin developed polio. Now who was bottom dog?
Teddy mounted his horse Rode up San Juan Hill
despite all those Cuban germs
But Franklin rode even higher on the Grand Old Hog
for four consecutive terms

So Teddy went way up and he went way down
and his daughter Alice Blue
Found two dozen ways to dun the willing GOP
in a fem manner tried and true
While Franklin watched from his wheelchair
their cousin Eleanor (also his wife)
Advanced the pursuit of every Democratic beaut
and extolled the lesbian life.

Dick Nixon made his way out of Whittier
with a five o'clock shadow so black
He waved the flag of Communist Menace
chased Helen Douglas out of the shack
Rode into office behind Smilin' Ike
and held aloft by inebriated Pat
Went running around the US Congress
pointing out where Jack Kennedy had shat
But Jack had the looks and lovely Jackie
to make his way into Higher Office
And Nixon had to make his way to Watergate
to find hideous new ways to boff us!

Tricky Dick went up and he went way down
and Pat drank him into penury
But he sailed like a breeze into China Seas
under sail of HMS Kissinger (Henry).
Jack nailed Marilyn and Gene Tierney
in the Lincoln Bedroom
with techniques he had hoarded
Then they got into scenes with Marlene Dietrich
and all those chicks got waterboarded!

W was born in Connecticut to a family
of professional political whores
And his mom Bar B for all to see
was a game that no one scores
Poppy Bush took his tribe to Texass
unlike Ronnie or oft-married Rudy
Proceeded to despoil on all things OIL
and all gentlemen Saudi
As all this trash was about to crash
Bar lifted her paws to heaven
And with a thankful scoop from Poppy's Carlyle Group
they manufactured 9/11
so W made his way into the Highest Office
with percentage points lofty and sound
But now the son of a bitch is down in a ditch
with his bitch belly draggin' the ground

So George went way up and he went way down
with Dick Cheney whipping his flanks
And they took a right tack into downtown Iraq
with no armament on their tanks
So he's on his way back to Crawford
and has passed the leadership baton
To a son of a pain known as John McCain
and that disgusting Alaskan spawn

Go way up! Go way down! and never learn a thing
Sing a song of American Values and let the rafters ring
Climb on the sled with Tamerlane and Bajazet
who never got off the bus
And grope around down there for John's tiny dick
and adjust his pathetic truss