CELEBRITY by Dennis Doph

beyond beyond . 66

Ah
The elusive ephemeral concept Yclept CELEBRITY
It's the turn of the screw that eludes most of you
But because of tell-and showment
and my considerable endowment
what the man behind the plow meant
Does not exclude me.

Take the case of each dropped stitch
of that sleek Alaska bitch
Temper of turmoil and twitch
and no desire to please us
When her eldest became, say
ineluctibly gay
She just cast him away
with a prayer to Jesus

And when Johnston came to shove in
Bristol's bun in the oven
She was sent to Christian coven
in backstreet Anchorage
Sister Sarah dropped in her tracks
when she was knocked to the max
So she brought poor Bristol bax
from the Penalty Cage.

Ah, Celebrity, Republican Celebrity
Nurtured at the paps of Alaska ur-regnant
All this Celebrity is shammily
Sloughed off as "Just Family"
When these gals hoarily and hammily
Became publicly pregnant.

Why, in the name of all that's logical
Can a Peace Corps conception tragical
Be morphed into something quite magical
and potentially defeatist?
When a man with melting brown lamps
Raised in Hawaii on food stamps
Becomes linked with Hollywood tramps
and considered elitist?

So our man considers this
and accepts the friendship kiss
of Beatty whose celebrity bliss
is just curds and no whey
He would never be a harborer
of that celebrity known as Barbra
No GOP-goader that's sharperer
When she blows them all away!

Celebrity, Democratic Celebrity
a calamitous offshoot
Blasted to the root by New Republic bloggers
Obama should have been a punter
Or an Alaskan wolf hunter
He might be trucked from Fairbanks to be shucked
and ceremonially fucked by "Drill, Baby!" loggers

But Old John is Natural Man Himself
never to linger on the shelf
or to forego any pelf that any can see
So he gets down with the handjive
of the sleek Keating Five
And accepts damn dirty money from the beer industry
Cindy whirls in all directions
with her smart Mob connections
As McCains seek resurrections
in some Montenegrin play
They endure the rich and rottish
In Cetinje dance the schottische
with a Neapolitan hottish and Anne Hathaway.

Oh, inbred well-connected Annapolis trash
You'll criticize Obama for any paltry bash
Then accept the mob-connected corrupted cash
of this Neapolitan Nob as he climbs on your bus

so you Plain Folks play Tell-and-Show
and snort some Sicilian blow
in smart EU-friendly Montenegro
and with Hathaway and her mobster you pass GO
as they both adjust your truss.