FRITJOV NANSEN LAND by Dennis Doph

beyond beyond . 20

I made my frigid way to Fritjov Nansen Land
'way up above the frozen Arctic Circle
My lips like two blown roses in the icy Barents Sea
My nose like a frieze of pink and purple
I'd been marking time in downtown Hammerfest
Trying to avoid the men I'd already met there
Of all Norwegians I'd already had the best
So I left Hammerfest
leaving the rest to fret there
Thought for just a moment
I might bide awhile
Among the natives of far Spitzbergen
But I had heard their men were so damn whacked and wild
That I might never get a single word in
So I stayed on the packet boat from Hammerfest
Cruising across the vast Norwegian Sea
My cause may have been bleak but it was blest
Since I still resemble what I pretend to be.

We beached on the isle named for old Queen Alexandra
The grinding sound of ice shearing off our runnels
Wondered how I might disarm men in a place so frozen
Or if the transaction might take place
with slings and funnels
They still had a likeness of old King Franz Josef
Looking so proud and strong and handsome
Never knowing he'd been ill replaced
By that severe explorer Fritjov Nansen
The sturdies of this land would fain succumb
Despite my seductive actions and entreaties
They all sat watching, mute, perplexed, and dumb
Some femme-seducer opus of Warren Beatty's.

So I cranked up my portable record-spinner
Put out by some forgotten piece of work named Philco
Spun my old Billie Holiday seduction songs
...before I could cry, "Roger!"
or even, "Wilco!"
Sullen swain lined up outside my door
Knowing that I could make what they might pay worth
The whole transaction; for when they saw my rank red hair
They knew I was some strange kin to Rita Hayworth

So I hustled my buns there in Alexandra Land
Doing what I had done before (and similar)
Waiting to catch the next fast packet boat
To new diggings in Novaya Zemlya.
As for the studs there in Fritjov Nansen Land
They all knew I was no big deal
They zipped up the many zippers to their many layers
And prepared to take their next accouchement with a seal.

But as I set up shop in Zemlya Novaya
Those steaming, snorting Russians made me tremble
I may be high but I couldn't get much dryer
Though what I pretend to be I still resemble.