THE "C" STREET GANG by Dennis Doph

because why? 24

Up above the broad Patomac
Under fluffy District skies
There's a Gang of Happy Fellas
Who love to economize
The economies they practice
Involve fidelity to their wives
And fidelity to their mistresses
Which tends to give them hives

Oh, that "C" Street Gang!
They practice Christianity with a bang
Sing those old hyms like they've never been sung
Lionize the members who are really hung
They sink to their knees
Inspect each other for crablice and fleas
and in this sultry "C" Street palace
They share Viagra and sweet Cialis

When Governor Sanford
also known as Mark
Encountered some sweet Argentinian
in the dark
His "C" Street buddies
all encouraged that spark
And when his wife became
an unbecoming shade of tanager
They all remembered
she was his campaign manager
They reminded Mark
his primary duty was to praise Jesus
...and after that, to severally please US
...then for his poor wife Jenny to propitiate
...only THEN could he rush to Buenos Aires
to palpitate and copulate
Sanford got caught chasing tail
Pretending to hike
that Old Appalachian Trail
While the only trail that made Mark
jump his tracks
Was the tail end of an Argentinian Tampax

Those "C" Street men sank to their knees
Primarily for Jesus Christ to please
Secondarily
For each and every one of them
to prime his sexual tower
Sharing the wealth at "C" Street
is the Path to Power

When John Ensign of Nevada
Senatorial Numero Uno
Decided to reward his campaign manager
Pro Bono
For all those seasons of senatorial storm
and strife
Ensign had designs on his manager's
seductive wife
The "C" Street boys found ways for Ensign
to elude the stork
Just when this handsome Presidential
hopeful had slipped his cork
Though they all admired Cindy
and got off their rocks
Cindy and her husband tried to put Ensign
in a box

At "C" Street they admired Cindy's gams
Paid off her whole family
96 thousand clams
"C" Street stalwart Senator Ted Coburn
verified those checks
Made John send a "Dear Cindy" letter
via FedEx
So he could pursue a great career
with flaming sword
Collectively
They all sink to their knees
to praise the Lord

In the undifferentiated House of Reps
"Chip" Pickering of Missisippi
was above those schleps
Starred Republican skies
Pleased all the guys
with his sharp profile
Caused testosterone Deep down
into their collective bone
To raise some Presidential bile
But then
Some sweet "K" Street lobbyist
caused handsome "Chip"
to morally and sexually lose his grip
The "C" Street Gang collectively murmured,
"Chip Ahoy!"
Rallied behind their horny hairy
Mississippi boy

So all along dark "C" Street
in the deep Patomac night
One hears the collective Call to Jesus to set
these matters right
Sanford may still pursue
his Argentinian bitch
Long as the South Carolina state house
don't get no bait-and-switch
Ensign peeks over one hairy shoulder
and doesn't see his shadder
Sets up for re-election
in forgiving Nevada
While sexy "Chip" still has rug burn
on his dimpled knees
From trying all the "C" Street Gang
to please

So, Reverend Coe
Keep all those horny boys locked
firmly in your Ivory Tower
For strokin', prandially pokin' boys
is the way to D.C. power!
So they kneel severally beneath
the soft Patomac willows
Smoothing the Path to Power
by sharing pecadilloes!