CONVERSATIONS by Dennis Doph

because why? 29

I had a conversation with a Republican
About the state of our National Health
The Republican answered (cautiously)
It all had to do with clout and wealth.
Then I asked (cautiously) if he could help me
Put a clause for Private Option in the bill
The Republican answered (testily)
If my brains had suddenly gotten kind of ill
Then I answered (testily)
That at least an effective Co-op might fill the gap
The Republican exited from the room
To take himself a long winter's nap

So I asked a chair in the living room
If he understood the Republican's greed
The chair just sat there coveting its seat
Being proud of being comfortable and neat
Not capable of Twitter or of Tweet
So I considered the chair a friend indeed
And not a tantalizing mopester
Like a conservative or a GOPster.

Since the Republican had nothing but NO
to say to me
I asked a hound dog sniffing at my foot
If he could contribute more than that
damned Republican
The hound indicated he didn't give a hoot
And, like Hounds of Yore, for true
The motherfucker pissed upon my shoe
Which is what all hounds
and all conservatives do
Till their dying day.
So I kicked him in his fucking rear
And sent him on his way. And I
uncapped another beer.

Still, the Republican said NO NO NO
To anything and everything I proposed
But then I saw Max Baucus attempting
to cross the aisle
Because his Boss has got a hard-on
for all us dopes to reconcile
And I said: "Max Baucus! Don't you
realize this is a pile
of stinking bullshit?" and he said,
"Never ask a Republican anything.
You might as well be dead."
"YOU might as well be unemployed",
is what I said.

So I turned my serious attention
To a reading lamp upon the shelf
The lamp could turn himself off and on
But he might as well have said,
"Go fuck yourself,
What do you suppose
All you progressive jerks
Can do about this mishegas?"
And my answer was,
"We can gum up the works!"

We can refuse to allow our congresspersons
To vote for any bill which does not include a Public Op
And if Obama tries to shovel some lame piece of shit
at me I'll not give in or let the matter drop.
We haven't spent twenty years of spins and shivs
To get butt-boned by a bunch
of fucking conservatives!"*

*thanks to Rep. Barney Frank, D-Mass.,
for this concept