WE DON'T DO ANAHEIM by Dennis Doph

but I recovered 6

We don't do ducks like most of these other Schmucks
We don't do Ducks or Mice or anything nice
When confronted by a mouse, I'd just go, "Ick."
Gimme a double dose of Barbara Stanwyck.

We don't do cute fairy princesses unless
The princesses are in drag
We don't do teapots which talk
with the voice of Angela Lansbury
or any other former Metro Hag.

We won't get sucked down yet another time
We don't do Anaheim.

We don't do Seaworld
Getting all whipped outta shape
by all these aquatic critters
We do Schnapps
with Angostura Bitters.

We don't do Branson Missouri
All these old Pat Boone lookalikes
in a fucking flurry
We do any interesting thing behind a fly
any Man Among Mans has
and we definitely do not do Kansas!

We don't do Vegas
The city Bea Lillie called "Las Faggots"
Baby-worshipping millions
Turn up there like maggots

We don't do commercial television
in all its tempting forms
That venue is STIFF
bursting with worms.

We dote on any fur bearing animal
or promising Otter
And we never, never do Harry Potter!

Of all composers
one bound to get this response:
the semi-word NEBBER
Is Andrew Lloyd Webber.

We do opera -- even the punk ones
we do indie movies -- upper and lower bunk ones
We heap the mainstream movie world with scorn
and create our own private brand of porn

We pursue flesh
With a welcoming "Hoot, Mon!"
And will never succumb
To the artistic fantasies of James Cameron.

In short
We are living up each other's asses
And have a lot of contempt
for all the snivelling Disney classes.

All of that lot
With all their tears and snot
are just like slugs
Trailing their own brand of slime
...and this bit of advice for you
...whatever choice you make or do
Hip gay guys don't do Anaheim.