the MOST POPULAR BOY by Dennis Doph

because why? 30

The Most Popular Boy in Kamehameha High School
Rose like a rocket in the mists of fair Oahu
Propelled by his ferocious personal ambition
And a Kansas/Caucasian mother who'd cry,
"Wahoo!
My little coffee-colored boy is so fucking popular
He can take any sweet Wahine to the prom
And from the winning ways he won in darkest
Indonesia
He might wind up giving head as good as Mom".

But the bullies of the highschool class oppressed him
In a way that might make his precious manhood cringe
And they called him Little Cutie-Wahoo Barry
Before they could resort to Nigger or even Dinge
But Little Barry knew how to deflect these bullies
And called upon Progressives of Hono'lu
Before those bullyboys knew what had hit 'em
Those brutes found the foot was on the other shoe
And Little Barry waltzed off to Columbia
While the bullies languished in dolors and disgraces
And Progressives whose hands were now broken
and bloody
Were left behind to piss and moan
on each other's faces

So Barry upped and upped at fair Columbia
In a way that made his Kansas Mommy mighty proud
And he morphed into a hairy Chicago community
Where Croatians and Montenegrins were lush and loud
But Little Barry saw a handy way to vanquish them
With one dazzling flash of his Nairobi teeth
And Progressives of Chicago dished the dirt for him
Because all that sweat for Darling Barry was beneath
The pain that Darling Barry found a bad suprise
While he married fair Michelle dressed in hot pink
and Progressives of Chicago came to realize
That Darling Barry thought
his shit did not stink

So Darling Barry kept a neat trajectory
From swift community action to the Senate
And he and Michelle chewed gum
from the Left Wing refectory
But never dirtied their darling hands;
for when it
Came to Push Comes to Shove, they never
volunteered
To put their well-clad shoulders to the wheel
In fact, the only sweatstained effort
that they steered
Was just another hackneyed political deal

And when the time came to do the Big Speech
When Kerry was in place to spook the Prez
The Most Popular Boy in Kamehameha High School
Was a blue study in the language of: He Sez
He Sez the moment has come for health reform
He Sez the moment has come for lesbians and gays
He Sez the time has come to scrape away corruption
and punish Bad Conservatives
for Bad Conservative ways

Four Years later when the Moment arrived
And Hillary had the White House in her ken
the Most Popular Boy in Kamehameha High School
Upped and popped all his He Sez points again
And the populace roiled and rolled for Little Barry
Every Populist and Progressive to a man
Because they were so dazzled by his Ipana teeth
and the permanence of his Indonesian tan

And now we're facing the prospect of National Healthcare
And the Popular Boy is sweating like a sow
Because Progressives have finally stripped the trash from him
And saw: he wasn't such Hot Shit anyhow
And how healthcare could be compromised
And factioned off to co-ops kind of passely
And how gays and lesbians could take a far back seat
And how Barry could open his Pearlies for Chuck Grassley

And now the Most Popular Boy in Kamehameha High School
Is no longer nifty nor is he neat
He's become the Lord of Panegyric Misrule
He's led the Left Establishment into defeat
He's abandoned the Old Left and the arty
Now we have learned
a new definition of disgrace
He's blown the moment for the Democratic Party
and is savoring
the taste of Grassley's poop upon his face