LOCK AND UNLOAD by Dennis Doph

because why? 56

Let's hear it
For the doughty soccer mom in Alabama
Whose approach to life
Makes one helluva lot of sense
Amy Bishop knew to get just what she wanted
As she strolled about, unflapped, undaunted
And fluffed up her addiction to violence.

Before she offed three profs at the U. of Alabama
And wounded three others quite seriously
Mrs. Bishop thought it cute
To lock and unload -- go rooty-toot,
And all her living victims could at least agree

Amy Bishop was a woman quite devoid of humor
Like the day she killed her brother
with the family gun
But her Mommy made some sass
On the city council, Braintree Mass
So chunky funky Amy
just chalked up the offing of her Bro
as some arcane kind of fun

Amy got a bit deranged and quite frenetic
After she filled her only sibling with lead
She just loped off (Thank the Lord!)
To local Dave Dinger Ford
And, at gunpoint,
Demanded a brand new car instead.

Then there was the infamous time at IHOP
While Amy was waiting for a short stack of cakes
When some babe took the booster seat
Amy thought it smart and kinda neat
To whack the poor bitch in the head,
for goodness' sakes!

Now we come to the precious Alabama moment
Where Amy was chewing her nails for lack of tenure
Because she felt institutionally goaded
Once again, Amy locked and loaded
Denied admission to a Hen Coop
which couldn't get much Hennier

Walked casually
Amongst the group brandishing her pistol
Locking and unloading
Stony-faced as she strolled
When she made one after another dead
Bullets point-blank into the head
Beefy unlovely Amy
the entire culture of megaviolence extolled

Casual violence of our whole American culture
Why sales of guns and ammunition
guarantee profits of megabucks
Women like Amy Bishop
from Yazoo to Yonkers
Locking, loading, slightly bonkers
But we must reflect:
This orgiastic climate of violence
really sucks.