CHECK YOUR BRAINS by Dennis Doph

Touchdown Jesus. 40

Drag your scuzzy asses down Franklin Avenue
In Hairy Hollywood that's just the thing to do
Stick Scientology up your nose; it's like snorting crack
Or the gooey residue down Dyan Cannon's back
Tithe, tithe, tithe, and then tithe some more
Check your Homo-genized, Pasteur-ized brains at the door
Because Scientology will never ever fade
You're all zapped-out bunnyrabbits; you've got it made.

Tom Cruise will give you a fast ride in his Nutmobile
All the closeted fags in the Org. will try copping a feel
Breast-enhanced former starlets are no longer whore-s
They're just poledancers for the sake of Chuck Norris
Here in Hollywierd nothing is ever about pain
It's just that spaced-out feeling of cutting loose your brain
You have a sinking sensation as your piss hits your loafer
And Cruise makes a new hole while he's humping the sofa

Anne Archer wil sell you her soul for joining the Cause
Like so many former cutiepies who Scientologized Menopause
All these whacked-out beautyqueens with breasts like pork lard
While they throw your whole family out in the yard
And you tithe, tithe, tithe till your 401K goes into stickershock
And Sci Central makes you put your grandmother's teeth in hock
And your chute strains to pump out one last glorious poop
But it's all for one and one for all in the Group
so just try to stand while your balls are nailed to the floor
And check your fucked-up Scientology brains at the door