Disney Snuggy by Dennis Doph

touchdown jesus. 38

We have all been forcefed since babyhood
To celebrate delicious Disney Days
And we have always understood
Those precious overbearing Disney Ways
Everything Disney is so cuddly and so soft
You don't know you've been fucked till you've been boffed

Now Disney has entered a new moneymaking scheme
Without threat of pain or pang of nasty horn
Their newest fiduciary dream
Is to co-opt the newly born.

So: for a lousy Nine Ninety-Five
You can buy TWO Disney Snuggies for your moppet
When Moppet poops and the Disney Snuggy droops
You can convince the precious Tot to drop it
Then it becomes a Disney-mop to wipe
Baby fingerprints from the bedroom door
Along with all the other Disney Tripe
That is constantly cluttering up the floor

And if perchance Moppet should croak while smothered in the smooth
Fluffy presence of wooly polyester
Think of Walt Disney, moustached, long in the tooth
When equally moustached Annette Funicello caressed her
Divine boob-exploding Guinea body for Unca Walt
Something soft and yielding for Walt to sit upon
While they could share a harmless chocolate malt
As she was prepping her snatch for Frankie Avalon

Annette moaned, "Unca Walt! Unca Walt!"
As her paltry underpaid stardom cried out loud
Disney becomes the Patron Saint of the meek, the lame, and the halt
While Mommies of America use the Disney Snuggy
for Baby's shroud.