UP MERRYL STREEP by Dennis Doph

because why? 61*

I was never notably promiscuous
Noted for a stunning lack of Soul
But when I was hired as Merryl Streep's pool man
Wanted to put a little sugar in her bowl
As I was dipping condoms from her Olympic-size
A gust of wind made me pitch instead of bunt
And I was blown right through her bedroom window
...right up Merryl Streep's juicy cunt!

At first I was inspired to panic
And all my fears began to shake and swarm
But then I stopped being so damned manic
When I realized I was somewhere nice and warm
Flicked my Bic to give myself illumination
Warm and wet inside Merryl's ovarian trough
Then I saw Jack Nicholson holding up his station
Remembering Merryl. And jerking off.

As I proceeded deeper into the Fallopian
I saw Nicholson was not mistaken
For in Merryl's cuntquarters Utopian
I came across big-dicked Kevin Bacon
Whacking away at what appeared to be a Major Ten
A monumental example of Nature's Child
Then Kevin asked me to grab his dick again
While he reminisced about making River Wild.

As I proceeded further into this Streeposphere
Since I'd been generous with Jack and Kevin
pullin' and pallin'
I thought it not too especially queer
When I was anally assaulted by Woody Allen
His memories of Merryl had excited him so
I dropped trou -- to assist his This'n and That'n
The Woodman kvelled about his lesbian Hi-de-Ho
Inflicted upon Merryl in Manhattan.

Then the Woodster traded places with Jeremy Irons
Who could never be mistaken for a She-Male
Jeremy pumped up all his penile aspirin's
Remembering the French Lieutenant's Female.
He stepped aside to accomodate another thesp
Who attempted to penetrate my Minnie with his Moochie
With a Sicilian dick -- alarmingly firm and crisp
As I found myself buggered by Stanley Tucci.

Just when Tucci had achieved tumescence
with memories of Prada
And being Swain to Julia not Julie
Merryl herself brought up a sneeze much odder
Than any she'd achieved before; unduly
Intemperate in its Blast Effect
She cast forth bluff Jack, heavy-hung Kevin,
and Woodster floggin'
She then sneezed forth the hairy Tucci (still erect)
And me myself. Backside conspicuously draggin'.

So though sweet Merryl has had sixteen nominations
(expected to accept still more, when offered)
She still has to equal the orisons and ovulations
The cuntly record which still holds --
for butch Joan Crawford.

*inspired by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore:
Derek & Clive: "Up Joan Crawford"