CHRISTIAN MINGLE by Wagenblatz

Touchdown Jesus. 56

There's a website that has me all atingle
goes by the moniker, Christian Mingle
Takes a pure-born Christian or Born Again
to make it in the Land of the Chosen Men.
Let me delve into this roundelay
And relate how I led some of these fools astray.

There's a chick named Rhoda who's kind of mannish
Holds forth in Dallas, blows dick in Spanish
Or "Spanglish" as they say on the Texas plain
Where Rhoda manifests herself as a Born-Again.

Approached her with promises of gay mischance
Led her into a kind of cobra-dance
Mesmerizing her with promises of Tiffany's beads
Leading her on to severe misdeeds

Told her to meet me at a Videostore in Austin
along with a beefy manstud from Boston
Told Rhoda she should try her Christian luck
Getting down in a friction genderfuck.

She showed at the vidstore all fluffed and pruned
Expecting her labia to be chewed and runed.
Instead she was confronted with a Tickle freak
Who tickled her buns into Tuesday a week.

She's still waitin' for the nasty Red Demon to show
So I told her to just ... go on and blow.

Connected with a man in Saskatooun
Who was tempted with another similar ruin
Told him to hit the public park to show his chops
Sic'd him onto the Saskatchewan cops!

When they finished beatin' him into Jesus Ardor
They'd made a new man out of this Christian Martyr
He's hittin' the boulevards of Toh-ron-tow
Lookin' for some new Cop Dick to blow.

If this nasty rhyme made your gonads jingle
See what you can scrape outta Christian Mingle!